when you lose yourself for a minute or two

Last night, for the first time, I became utterly frustrated by my inability to fall asleep. Sometimes I feel like my life is nothing but a series of vicious cycles. I went to bed around 2 and had to wake up at 7:15 or so in order to go to my admin. final at 9. Of course I didn't fall asleep until 4 probably. I was too hot. I couldn't find a comfortable position. I almost started crying because I was so frustrated and I had to get up and take a stressful final exam, and I wanted to get as much sleep as possible.
Then, today, I took a nap and didn't get up until 5 hours later. So, once again, I probably will not be able to fall asleep tonight.

I have been watching all of Grey's Anatomy while studying, and I also recently finished watching the entire Gilmore Girls series. I have also watched all of Heroes, and continue to watch it even though I am losing interest.
Not last night, but maybe the night before, I laid awake thinking about all the little inconsistencies that appear when you watch a TV show from start to finish:
Grey's Anatomy:
Sometimes Dr. Burke was at the top of his class at Tulane, sometimes at John's Hopkins.
Where did Dr. Torres come from? She is apparently the same year as Dr. Bailey, but why is Dr. Bailey the only resident with interns, while all of the 5 original interns have interns in Season 4?
How did Dr. Torres become the ortho expert, when there doesn't appear to be an attending to teach her?
Why did the original interns get to do so much medical stuff and were always working with a particular attending, while now there are four times as many interns that never get to do anything?
I just don't understand why there weren't more residents when the original interns were still interns, but now they are all residents. Aren't there new interns every year? So why aren't there more residents of lower years than Dr. Bailey, Dr. Torres, and Sydney Heron?
And I don't even really want to talk about the Denny Duquette situation in Season 5. If that storyline doesn't end soon or get explained, I am not going to be a happy Grey's Anatomy fan.
Gilmore Girls:
This show only really proved to have one minor inconsistency that I noticed. At one point, Rory says that Logan was a freshman in college in 2002. That was when I graduated from high school, so I was also a freshman in college in 2002, which means that Logan is either the same age as me or one year older. But then Logan turns 25 in the show, which ended in 2007. I haven't turned 25 yet, and it is the end of 2008. So, Logan is presumably about 2 years older than me...which means he was not a freshman in 2002. It doesn't seem likely, given Logan's family, that he took a year off between high school and Yale.
Heroes:
This show actually would have less inconsistencies (especially since they explained how 9th Wonders was still being published), except that Arthur Petrelli is just FULL of damn inconsistencies. When is he using that ring? What does that ring even do? Why does he sometimes remove memories and sometimes remove powers (e.g. Hiro in Africa). It just hasn't been explained at all and if it isn't explained, I will be bitter. I don't like the Arthur Petrelli storyline for this reason.

As you can see, I have some life-changingly important things to think about.

Although, Grey's Anatomy has impacted my life a little bit, in that I have realized that sometimes being honest isn't just providing truthful answers when asked a question, but actively telling people how you feel and trying to generally be honest about your feelings. This is what I was thinking about last night.
Over the summer I was very disappointed by what felt to me like the end of a friendship with someone who was very important to me. I tried to get together with him for coffee quite a few times, which was something we had done in the past whenever I was in town and something that I really enjoyed. But he would never respond, and generally avoided me all summer. I reacted to this by becoming passive-agressive and bitchy, which is understandable, but I also just pretended like I didn't really care, when I did care, and I still care. He kept saying that we hadn't really gone to coffee that much, like nothing had actually changed, but it was all bullshit and it just made me feel rather unimportant. He was important to me and I had a really high opinion of him and then it all just fell apart. So I have decided that I have to talk to him about it, even if it means I get mad or am vulnerable. Even if it means that I actually let myself feel something. That is what the Grey's Anatomy characters would do.
It might be partly my fault, because I have this conception that everything in Washington stays exactly the same when I'm not there, because it seems like nothing at all ever changes. But people are living their lives every day just like me and things do change even if they are in the same place and I'm not. I have to stop thinking that I am somehow more important because I don't live in Olympia anymore, that my life is changing so much and other people's lives aren't. It is judgmental and stuck-up.

Last night I also thought about how I really need to apply for a job. And I am trying to apply for clerkships but I honestly don't know how to use the website that I am supposed to use to apply; it is stupid, stressful, and much more difficult than it needs to be. And other than those clerkships, I honestly don't even know of any other jobs that exist or how to find them. This is just a really scary, stressful time.
All this just makes me want to drink! I don't remember ever really having that hard of a time falling asleep after drinking.